Dear Immigrant (Legal or Illegal, I don’t judge – this is an open letter),

Hello and welcome to America. Now that you have mastered perfect English, please proceed to Amazon.com and learn how “real Americans” speak. There are 1807 results for “slang dictionary,” 151 results for “gay dictionary” and 52 results for “star trek dictionary.” I believe that covers it all. But wait, there’s only one (very) misdirected result for “pop culture reference dictionary.” Why, you may ask (or “Por que,” you may ask if you haven’t learned that word yet). Because in this country, you gotta be quick. In order to laugh at those jokes Mr. White and Mr. Whiter-Thanwhite make around the break room you have to watch as much television, go see as many movies, look at as many magazines, and listen to as many popular artists at possible. Sometimes, to save time, you will have to do this simultaneously, while driving. And talking on your cell phone. And eating. And disciplining your kids. Don’t be overwhelmed. Soccer moms do it all the time. They do it by stealing their kids Ritalin and knocking it back with a fifth of vodka. But those are expensive. So I’m going to help you out. Here is a preliminary list or terms that may not be in circulation yet, but they will be. You can make book on that, missy. (Did you get that one? No? You are way behind.) This set deals with popular television series. You don’t necessarily need to be familiar with the television shows or their characters or premises to use these terms. Just the mere mention is sure to get a laugh out of your boss/landlord/parole officer/that INS agent shoving you in the back of a black van. So start studying. Because remember, they will never accept you as a true American until you can spit out as many pop culture references as possible.

1. arrested development
n : an abnormal state in which development has stopped prematurely.
Also refers to the Fox Television show by the same name that ran from 2003-2006.

HOW TO USE

A. Refers to a joke that no one gets because it was too smart for them.
ex: I didn’t get the one about Rumsfeld and Clinton that Larry told at the party last night. It must have been an arrested development.

B. Refers to something that is cut down in its prime because no one appreciated it.
ex: John was such an arrested development. It’s a shame he got shot by that crossbow at his CD release party.

2. desperate housewives
n: women who usually live in suburbia that must deal with their lives under the restrictions of the men or children within it; many were ambitious and career centered until marriage.
Also refers to the ABC television show by the same name that has been on the air since 2004.

HOW TO USE

A. Refers to someone or something that is so overdramatic and satirical, it can’t be real.
ex: Joan likes to tell stories about her days as a roadie. But I have a feeling she’s seen too many
documentaries and its all a desperate housewives.

B. Describes something that is made up for publicity purposes only; note – this may or may not have some basis in truth.
ex: Carrie told Mr. Smith a desperate housewives about Andrea’s addiction to cocaine. I think she did it just to get the promotion, though.
3. grey’s anatomy
n: Refers to a popular television show currently running on ABC since 2005. The title is a pun on Gray’s Anatomy, a famous anatomy textbook.

HOW TO USE

The deliberate action of somebody who spends more time on their relationships than advancing their careers. They may be suffering in one or both.
ex: Mary was so in love with her professor that she grey’s anatomied her way out of law school. He dumped her anyway.

4. lost

v. to come to be without (something in one’s possession or care), through accident, theft, etc, so that there is little or no prospect of recovery.
adj. havng gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.
Refers to the popular ABC program by the same name running since 2004.

HOW TO USE

A. Usually used in reference to plot lines, refers to someone who is so philosophical that they often ask many questions but never offer answers. These outbursts are often difficult to follow, even though within their head it makes perfect sense.
ex: My roommate is such a pot head that I have to deal with his pretentious ramblings all hours of the night. He is so like every plot line on Lost.

B. Someone or something that promises to have all the answers if you stay committed long enough. It can also refer to a person who believes in these promises, no matter the cost.
ex: That shrink was really lost to me. I paid him $200 an hour and he couldn’t tell me what was wrong. I’m still going to go back every week just to be sure, though.

This is it for now. Study hard, pupils. There will be more pop culture references to come. There will be a test. Just kidding! But seriously.