Media Breakdown!

On By loweritupIn Media Breakdown

I have issues with American Idol. Firstly, idols are supposed to be people we idolize. Let’s look at what the definition of “idolize” (or “idolise” if you’re British):

–verb (used with object)

1. to regard with blind adoration, devotion, etc.
2. to worship as a god.
If you don’t see where I am headed with this, then you obviously don’t know what is wrong with people. In fact, I’m pretty sure there is a Commandment against this. Yes, just checked – “Thou shalt not have any false gods before me.”
So in case you were search for Jesus, I’m sorry, you will NOT find it in Kris Allen.
Nevertheless, you voted (more than you would vote for a politician, but that’s for another post), and you got this dude. A semi-attractive hillbilly who steals. Yes, that’s right, STEALS. While listening to Mr. Allen’s song, it was somewhat reminiscent, let me remind you:
Still a little hazy? Okay, let me add another one into the mix:
Fair enough. Not everyone is as anal about lyrics and chord progression. For those who don’t have the ear, then I’m just going to break down Kris Allen’s into the ridiculousness that it so deserves.

“Sometimes we fall down and cant get back up,
Were hiding behind skin thats too tough”

So are you saying we need help or we don’t? You’re not starting out on a definitive foot here, Kris.

“Our hearts are hungry for a food that wont come,
We could make a feast from these crumbs”

Crumbs from what? Are our hungry hearts obese and perhaps need a valve transplant? Where are these crumbs coming from? You JUST said there’s no food coming.

“And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun,
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would’ve done.”

Are we suicidal or on our deathbeds? Stop contradicting yourself in rhyming sequence!

“We only got 86 400 seconds in a day”

There’s no such number as eighty-six, four hundred. If you think there is, perhaps you should stop counseling suicidal folks.

“And if you plane fell out of the skies,
Who would you call with your last goodbyes?”

I’m pretty sure if your plane was falling, you wouldn’t have the dexterity or wherewithal to dial numbers. And even if they were on speed-dial, it’s HIGHLY unlikely you would get service.

“Looking at the hand of the time we’ve been given here, this is all we got and we gotta start thinkin it.”

Whoa, run-on sentence, Kris. Do you WANT us to look at the clock or live like we were dying? Because I’m in plane right now trying to call my life insurance agent and you’re giving incorrect subject-verb agreement. Plus I’m still hungry for those crumbs you were talking about earlier.

“Every second counts on a clock thats tickin,
Gotta live like were dying.”

Oh, thanks. That cleared it up.

“All these people right when were dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till its gone.”

You just told me I was dead, what do I care who is right? And who is gone? Me? My loved one. Am I at the funeral? Is the funeral on a plane? Are we all dying? Did you hijack the place? Are there crumbs leftover from dinner?

Stop saying eighty-six, four hundred! It’s not a number!

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