- When the police announce they found someone else’s body while searching for a missing person, I can’t help but thinking, “Jimmy Hoffa!? No? Not yet. It’s okay, guys. Just keep looking. You’re doing a great job.”
- Subconsciously, every time I see a newer Toyota on the road, a little voice in my head screams, “AHHH!! Toyota!!” It used to be the same voice that screamed, “I want to flip you off, you D-Bag Hummer!”
- Women who drink apparently tend to weigh less. I didn’t WANT to go beyond reading the first line of this article, but I knew I had to. Apparently, they were only talking about “seasoned drinkers” in their 40s and over. Well, OBV. Those women are crazy bored housewives. There’s nothing to do but drink and exercise. They also can probably afford way better booze then us 20-something city folk. Another reason I am never moving to suburbia. That’s where all the weird stuff happens. Give me a self-proclaimed mayor of the bums and a mid-day mugging any day.
- I get extremely angry at “movie talkers.” They are pretty much what is wrong with America. I truly believe someone should do a documentary on “movie talkers” and see what their lives are like outside of ruining mine. I’m pretty sure we’ll find them taking up two parking spots, not holding doors, and basically void of any human decency. Despite damning their souls to hell, I will still try to avoid confrontation with them as much as possible, because 8 times out of 10, they are insane. (A meat thermometer? Really? Did you just pick one up at Different Drummer’s Kitchen and forgot to drop it off at your car?) The other two times, they are drunk or under the age of 7. Or both, if you’re in Europe.
Lower It Up 