Transylvania 6-5000

1985

This movie may have been considered the worst movie of 1985, but I don’t care what critics say. This movie stands the test of time. Except for the title. I highly doubt kids today would get the Glenn Miller Orchestra reference or why telephone exchanges used to have words before them. Back in the old days, kids, people didn’t think we could remember 7 numbers. Not like today, where we can’t remember any telephone numbers, except commercials with catchy jingles (looking at you 1-800-MATTRESS).

Out of this entire month’s experiment, I was hoping to find a movie that would become a perennial favorite, and I think I found it in this film. It’s so ridiculous, I feel like the entire cast knew they were making a terrible movie and just had fun with it. Jeff Goldblum, Ed Begley, Jr., Michael Richards, Geena Davis, and Carol Kane. How could this much star power make a movie that Leonard Maltin reviewed as, “Transylvania 6-5000 stunk.”? Well, Mr. Maltin was dead wrong and I’m daring everyone out there to prove him wrong.

I don’t even want to give away the plot, so here are reasons why you should watch this movie:

• Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley, Jr play a duo. This is beautiful, like watching two trees dance with each other.
• Carol Kane ad-libs 112% of her lines. I don’t even know if she knows what movie she is in.
• Geena Davis is almost naked in all of her scenes.
• Michael Richards basically invented the Borat character and I’m surprised he never sued Sacha Baron Cohen.
• The horror movie sight gags and many and short in between.
• If you don’t like funny things, the filming location of Croatia offers beautiful scenery and architecture.
• It has both an 80s inspired AND pun theme song.

If none of these reasons are enough to intrigue you to watch this movie, then I’m sorry that you will never be happy or satisfied with anything in your life.