Attack the Block

2011

I saw this movie and year ago and liked it. Then I saw it this year with the subtitles on and straight-up fucking loved it! It is amazing how many words and syllables you miss when trying to listen to fast talking thug British children talk. Plus they make living in the projects look like so much fun.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t want you to think living in the projects is just all fun and games. There are serious issues that need to be addressed. Unsupervised children. Rampant drug use. Gang banging drug dealers. Unsecured buildings.

A group of teens, led by 15 year old Moses, robs a girl during a fireworks night. I assume it is either Guy Fawkes night or some royal baby was born. Not sure what else British people celebrate. Because of the excessive amount of fireworks in London that night, the youths are free to roam about and cause mischief, as youths tend to do. In this case, they decide to mug a nurse on her way home from her shift. Luckily for the girl, a meteor crashes into a nearby car and she is able to escape relatively unharmed. The youths decide to investigate and end up finding a screaming monster who escapes to a nearby playground.

Taking it upon themselves to “protect the block” the teens run after it and kill/stun the creature with fireworks and bats. However, now they have a dead mucus monster on their hands. So they decide the best place to bring it would be a drug dealer’s apartment. I mean, the weed room IS usually the most secure place in the ghetto so it does make sense.

Neither the drug dealer nor his lackeys seem particularly concerned with a group of teens carrying around an unidentified animal and allow them to keep it in the apartment. However, while this is happening, more meteors are falling from the sky. Except for this time, it isn’t a petite mucus animal. It is a bunch of “big alien gorilla wolf motherfuckers.”

Even though the teens are out of their league they decide that above all they need to protect their projects. So they gather up as many weapons as they can. They even have the nice nurse who they tried to mug join them. They can’t figure out why these hairy beasts are being so aggressive towards Moses. Until one pothead customer points out that the first alien they killed was most likely female and had oozed her female juices all over Moses when he dragged her to the grow room. These “big alien gorilla wolf motherfuckers” are the aliens males looking to mate.

I’m not going to give away the ending because the movie is just too much fun to watch. Plus you learn all the cool new slang that I’m hoping kids in America will start using so I can finally understand them. Until then though, I’m just going to start saying “Wagwan bruv?” to everyone. Get used to it. (*I apologize in advance if this is racist)