2014

I promise I will get back to actual scary movies soon, but as soon as I found out this movie existed, I had to watch it immediately. Written, directed, and starring Jermaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) and Taika Waititi, it is a mockumentary that follows a group of vampires for several months, as they share a house in Wellington, New Zealand. We discover that even vampires have domestic problems.

There are four vampires living in the house:

• Deacon the young, rebellious type; also nazi vampire; also has a familiar named Jackie that he promises to turn…eventually
• Vladislav, a bit older; the torturer and shapeshifter
• Petyr, 8000 year old scary one; even the other vampires tread lightly around him because of how cranky he is
• Viago is the dandy nagging vampire; went to New Zealand to follow a girl he loved but ended up bunking with the other three

In this universe, people know there are supernatural folks out there, but almost see it as a nuisance, rather than something to be feared. The vampires are able to roam freely at night, and more often get called “homo” more often than have a crucifix thrown at them. They still abide by vampire rules, and can’t enter nightclubs unless they are invited in. You almost feel bad about the discrimination they face.

After Petyr turns one of the vampire’s dinner, they have a new problem to face: a newbie vampire who wants nothing to do than tell everyone he’s a vampire and eat chips. The new vampire (Nick) learns the hard way he can’t be human again and being eternal is even more painful than being mortal, because you have to watch everyone around you die.

Nick has a mortal friend (Stu) he bring around to the house, but the other vampires have agreed not to eat him because they show him all the new technology and is cooler than Nick.

Eventually, Nick makes a rookie vampire mistake and messes up a lot of the household dynamic. This causes unrest among the other vampires as they try to go about their lives. The best line during this time was:

“Leave me to do my dark bidding….on the internet eBay.”

There are so many amazing lines in this movie that I need to watch it again in order to catch them all. It’s definitely not a kids movie, but definitely IS a Halloween movie for scaredy-cats. And real cats too, if they are allowed an opinion in your household.