2013

The “found footage” genre seems like it has jumped the shark and should be going the way of “flash mobs” and “skinny khakis.” Although the horror movie market has been saturated with it, I think the real reason people might have disdain for these movies and that the main characters are NEVER likable, unselfish human beings. They are always vapid (hence why they are filming themselves non-stop) or angry at how good their life is. However, this may be what filmmakers are trying to get across: if you want to live the life of a two-dimensional person, you will forever be damned to be remembered that way. It may be a comment on social media and how today’s adults aren’t using it productively.

Or Bobcat Goldthwait just wanted to make a horror movie.

Willow Creek is the sight of the infamous and constantly disproved Bigfoot tape from 1967. The main character, Jim has taken this to be bible and therefore must try to go into the woods and confirm that something that was disproved before he was born, MAY still exist. His girlfriend, Kelly (an admitted skeptic) reluctantly goes along with him. They are definitely a new relationship, because they don’t seem to realize how annoying each other is. I mean, like really annoying. And they have tons of unfunny jokes.

Despite the threat of being gunned down by a local as they drive through town on the way to the Bigfoot site, Jim doesn’t seem to care. He just keeps the camera rolling and interviewing people who may have “encountered” the creature. It doesn’t show it deliberately, but he seems to be mocking the people even though he ACTUALLY does believe Bigfoot exists. This is about as deep as this dude goes.

Kelly isn’t much better. If you knew you were going on a hike in the woods, maybe read a book. Learn some basic navigation skills without a smart phone. Stop whining. It’s not like she was kidnapped. She could have stayed back at the motel with the locals, who have an unending catalog of “Bigfoot” themed songs.

So at this point, I’m starting to actually feel for the animals and creatures in the woods. Here are two annoying 30-somethings infiltrating your very nice land and making fun of your poop; they should be messed with. In a very Blair Witch Project way, the most frightening parts of the movies are the sounds, not the images. Especially the sound of a dying volunteer firefighter siren. That’s just terrible. This town can’t even afford a working siren. Or that was just the sound effect they used for Bigfoot. Either way, quite dangerous in the Pacific Northwest.

After a night of terror, the couple emerges from their tent and tries to get out of there. Jim believes the noises were Bigfoot, and Kelly thinks it was just the local hillbillies (or whatever they are called in California) messing with them, and REALLY, REALLY wants to believe she is right. It’s like when you hear something on your roof, and you’re pretty sure it isn’t ghosts, but you’d rather it be ghosts than prowlers. Except in this case, I’d rather it be Bigfoot than locals with guns and impure thoughts. Unless Bigfoot knows how to use a gun. Although with this freak of evolution, that’s the only next logical step: trigger finger.

Since this is a found footage movie, we know they never get out of the forest alive, but their fate isn’t entirely clear. Well, Jim’s is. The gurgling sounds are pretty indicative of “aortic artery slitting.” The film ends with Kelly being carried off by something and screaming. She’s totally going to have Bigfoot’s baby. And that’s when we get Willow Creek: 2 Hairy 2 Furious.