I’ve never been both bored and disturbed by a movie that wasn’t first a play. Yes, I know there are plenty of good plays-turned-movies, but there’s something lost when you aren’t near to the actors. Anyway, this movie actually could have been a play. And I would have bought tickets to see it, even if Naomi Watts was in it or not. And honestly, I never know if I’m looking at Naomi Watts or not. She’s either the most basic looking person or the most chameleon. Like Gary Oldman. I’m going to check to make sure Gary Oldman wasn’t in this movie.

The film is a shot-by-shot remake of the Austrian film by the same name. This always fascinates me when filmmakers do this. Why? Are they lazy? Do they truly believe the first one was so perfect it can’t be improved upon? Or are they in some sort of warped belief that if ONLY they had different actors at the time the first film was made, it would have been a million times better? I don’t know Austrian, so I don’t really have much to compare it to. Although I HAVE seen plenty of rich white people movies, so I have that.

It’s your typical home invasion story where everything seems to go right, for the criminals. Two young men successfully infiltrate the beach house of a wealthy family in a wealthy neighborhood by just mentioning OTHER rich people’s names. If I’m ever a kidnapper, I’m going to be like, “Well Oprah sent me. You know Oprah, right?”

The extra long shots with no breaks add to both the boredom and intensity. The audience has to sort of guess at times what is happening off screen. Or you get to watch TV with the characters. Which is weird, but then I was also wondering what the Austrian people were watching while the characters were watching NASCAR in America. Probably soccer. I don’t think they have any other sports besides soccer in Europe.

Of all the movies I’ve seen in this movie and the past, I honestly don’t recommend this to someone unless you are REALLY, and I mean REALLY in the mindset for it. It’s not just because of the gore, but more of the idea that no one is safe anymore. And people seem to think they are safe because they belong to a community. But when everyone else in the community is also being targeted, there’s no way out. This may be a good time to watch Get Out and compare…