I’ve watched too many OTHER horror films to have an unbiased opinion on this one. First of all, I already knew the ending. Secondly, the moral of the story is tale as old as time: Don’t have sex. Or be teenagers. Just don’t be teenagers and you’ll survive. Good advice for horror movies and Shakespearean plays. Good advice for life.

Nevertheless, I watched this cliche on Friday the 13th of October, because I’m a cool adult who stays home on Friday nights. It only happens once every 600 years, according to Facebook posts (it doesn’t, the odds of it happening in October are like 1 in 12). Anyways, the date and day don’t seem to play much relevance here. Did Jason die on Friday the 13th? Did the two counselors in the 50s get murdered on Friday the 13th. I know the camp staff comes back to the camp in “present day” on Friday the 13th, but do they KNOW it’s Friday the 13th? Does Mrs. Voorhees have Triskaidekaphobia?

I have a lot of questions, I know. But one that’s been bugging me since I started this project: why isn’t the government declaring Marshall Law on these towns with an insane amount of murders? If we found out that a town have a 500% increase in murders, don’t you think someone would be like, we should probably send someone over to check this out. Like someone who ISN’T a voted-in sheriff or local truck driver.

Everyone seems to know the plot so I don’t need to go over it in detail. Young adults are stupid and therefore they lose their lives, along with a limb here or there. Yet, we seem to be ignoring the bigger picture. If Jason was a mentally ill child, or even developmentally delayed (say he has Down’s syndrome), then why was he at a camp with people who didn’t know how to handle these kids?

Okay, enough with the victim blaming. I get it, this movie opened like ALL the tropes. It is kind of cool to revisit the source, if you have the chance. This inspired so many OTHER movies, even outside the 27 sequels it spawned. I was just happy this camp looked nothing like the camp I go to every summer. That might have scarred me for life. And I’m glad I don’t already own a Gordon’s fisherman raincoat. Those seem to just be a target for murder stories. “Murder Yellow” probably isn’t a popular Sherwin-Williams color.