I assume everyone knows this story because you’ve either seen the movie, the remake, or The Simpson’s episode, which is how I learned most horror/sci-fi movie tropes. However, if you live under a rock or refuse to watch television (which in my book are the same thing), the concept was probably based in some Cold War fear.

An entire picturesque English town (including the animals) falls asleep for a couple hours. When they wake up, nothing seems disturbed. But a few months later, all the child bearing women are pregnant. Which is terrifying in itself. There can’t possibly be enough doctors in this town. And prenatal vitamins. Since some women weren’t married or others had husbands who were away, the entire town is now on edge. Which makes sense, that’s a fuck-ton of hormones. And not just regular pregnancy hormones either; demon hormones.

However, once the children are all born, they are exactly the same freaks with blonde hair and the ability to learn skills ten times faster than the average child. Oh and also they have the ability to read and control minds. Dogs growl at them, the “normal” children (who are probably jealous of all the attention the blondies are getting) throw things at them, the local grocer keeps thinking they will skip out on their tab.

I assume at some point in every parent’s life, they truly believe their child was spawned directly from Satan’s lair into their womb. But this town has a severe case of denial. When the kids get to their third or fourth murder, the town finally decides to bring in people (scientists, military personnel, priests) to do something about it. Their solution is to send them all to the a boarding school, IN the town. No, send them far away. Maybe in a place where there are no other humans. Or small animals. If I’m learning anything from this month, it is that British law enforcement has got to be the dumbest on the planet.

After the town finally decides to stop being so British-y and polite, and start turning into an angry mob with torches and pitchforks, the children are no longer hiding their murderous rage. They explain to the main character, their teacher, that there are hundreds of them all over the world and they are slowly working together to basically control the world. You know, if you’re going to control the world, can you stop asking for the Hitler youth haircut every time you go to the hairdresser? People might take you more seriously.

The teacher finally decides that he needs to kill the kids once and for all. He creates a bomb with dynamite, which is just adding to my questions for this town. Where did you get dynamite? How do you know how to make a bomb? Why the hell do you wear a tuxedo every night while your kids are killing your neighbors?

I’m not sure what the moral of this story is. Don’t…fall asleep maybe? If your dog keeps growling at your baby, get a priest? Always have a steady supply of dynamite in case your “bundle of joy” is actually a “bundle of holy-crap-they-are-all-trying-to-murder-us”?