This movie should have just been called Lost: We Had All These Leftover Sets and Soundtrack Music. It is supposedly in the same “universe” as Cloverfield which is also produced by J.J. Abrams.

This is obviously years after the first film because she carries a newer iPhone (Damn you Steve Jobs! The insanely obvious anachronism in every film!) The story starts on Michelle, who is frantically leaving her house (and fiance) with as much stuff as she can carry. While distracted on the road, she gets in a car accident and wakes up in a concrete bunker with John Goodman (Howard), her “captor.” Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d be so happy if I woke up and John Goodman was taking care of me. i’d probably ask for a hug. But this is a movie, and no one ever asks for hugs in a movie.

“Howard” goes on and on about how he saved her life and how good of a “prepper” he is and how life as they knew it is destroyed outside. She also meets another guy (Emmett) who has been “rescued.” (I’m going to keep putting things in quotes because I’ve seen Lost and don’t trust J.J.). Emmett tells her he ALSO helped build the bunker they are in, but his smarts don’t seem to go beyond underground carpentry.

Michelle is still extremely skeptical of her situation. As most people would be, even people in the “Cloverfield” universe. The movie is mostly a battle between, “is he or is he not evil?” and combating boredom. Which brings me to another thought: you know who would probably be really good in underground bunkers? Prisoners. They know how to be crafty, they know how to pass the time, they certainly know how to make alliances, and how to survive a shifty prison guard. And also how to make toilet booze.

Anyways, back the bunker where we find out Michelle’s was training to be a clothes designer. Which I guess is a good skill for the apocalypse…for stitching up cuts? And also making hazmat suits. And utilizing leftover fabrics so nothing is wasted. Okay, it’s not a TERRIBLE skill for the apocalypse. Join my bug-out squad, seamstresses.

When Emmett and Michelle figure out the that Howard’s “daughter” is actually a girl who went missing from town a few years ago, they start to weigh their options against what might possibly be outside and what is definitely inside (a big vat of acid). Some bad decisions by all three later and Michelle is outside being chased by space monsters and heading towards Houston where the citizens have “taken their shores back” (this movie is obviously set before Harvey…whoops–that’s another horror story).