I don’t know why horror movies are always killing off teens and young adults. You never see a massacre at a pinochle tournament in Boca. Or a deranged demon stalking a Boomer’s Birthday vineyard tour. I would watch these movies. But no one else would. So the movie producers keep up with the demand: pretty people must die.

This movie begins with you knowing there will be at least 3 inevitable sequels/prequels/nearquels (I might have made that last one up, but it sounds real). Which makes me kind of angry. I’ve watched enough horror films to know the best ones can stand alone, but the fun ones never end. That still doesn’t damper my need for explanation as to why the killer does these things. Mommy issues are played out (and frankly an insult to the modern American family). Bullying revenge- meh. Need a healthy heart for your dying child….maybe?

A group of six friends go to a traveling show called “Hell Fest” which combines corn mazes, haunted houses, scary rides, rigged carnival games, and terrible food. It’s like if a county fair told the truth.

There’s a (true) rumor that a girl was killed inside the haunted house when the “Fest” was in another town. The body was left for three days and they never found the killer. So obviously there is no murder podcasts in this universe, or this would have been solved by three white women by now. Nevertheless, the friends, who are all of early legal drinking age, decide to go anyway.

Haunted houses and other scary mazes always make me wonder what they do if someone pees themselves (or worse). Like normal health department protocol would indicate it needs to be shut down for decontamination. Or is it like a lemonade stand. If no one complains of the rat poison smell, there’s no need to shut down kids’ fun times?

Anyways, the obvious plot is that the story of the girl being murdered is true, and the killer has shown up to do it again this year. He’s very indiscriminate about his murdering though. The first one is a random girl who calls him a “freak.” Fair enough, that word is triggering for some. The other murders of the friends though seem to be completely random. One is for trespassing/stealing. Bit of morality in his choice, that’s okay. The next is after he gets complemented on his acting skills. I call bullshit. What serial killer doesn’t love flattery?

As the friends get picked off, the remaining group chalks it up to lost cell phone signals and public drunkenness for not finding their way back together. Which should be true if it was St. Patrick’s Day (the other most dangerous time for young drunk people in America). But this is a haunted house on Halloween. And people in costumes do weird things. First PSA: HAVE A SAFE WORD ON HALLOWEEN.

By the time they all realize a maniac is on the loose, it’s too late. He terrorizes them until there is only two of them left and the cops are finally convinced to raid the place. Well, not so much a raid because there is no SWAT or riot gear, absolutely no tear gas, and no one gets shot. Not even a moving mannequin. Start training police officers in haunted houses! Real or traveling. Guns don’t solve all problems!

There’s no end to the movie, just a couple scenes that promise (threat?) there will be another one. It wasn’t the worst threat on young adult lives I’ve ever seen, and I’ll admit the writing was mildly entertaining and the characters weren’t all awful. Although, people who get really excited about getting touched by actors in costume annoy the shit out of me. Unless they actually scare the shit out of them. That’s funny.

One more PSA: if a nondescript serial killer can wear his mask ALL night, in the dark, through fog machines and strobe lights, while cleverly murdering annoying young adults, SO CAN YOU.