Is this Fred Durst’s film debut? No. But is it the best role he’s ever played? Also no. The producer’s choice to send this directly to DVD was a wise move. Not even the star power of Jeremy Sisto could save it. And I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been desensitized to horror films this month, or because the film is so bad, but I was not impressed. I need to find one of those scary Hallmark TV movies to watch. Like the ones where ghosts keep showing up to save the local bakery and force people to marry each other. Think they air them around Christmas.

Anyways, this gem of a clever film title begins with a baby being born. If I’ve learned anything from watching over 100 scary movies is that these scenes are never lighthearted. Either the kid is a demon or is going to be sacrificed to a sun god on it’s 13th birthday. Its fate is yet to be determined, but we are next introduced to Jeremy Sisto’s character, Steve, who is a census taker. I LOVE the census so I was super excited that even though this film was made in the middle of a decade, that doesn’t matter in horror universe. Or it makes me happy that census takers still have jobs on non-census years. Doesn’t matter. Yay Census!

Steve was sent to the small town of Rockwell Falls, North Dakota because while the government was updating their systems to go paperless, they realized the population has not changed in 100 years. I never understood towns that print the population on their “Welcome to….” signs. It’s going to change. Unless the sign people are running a racket among small towns, just knowing they will forever stay in business.

Steve’s first clue that something is amiss should have been when he gets a flat tire and almost immediately a cop (Durst) shows up in a police car that is 30 years old. I don’t know much about the fiscal responsibility of North Dakota municipalities, but a 1978 Crown Vic doesn’t seem to be the safe option for your entire law enforcement fleet. But then again, this is why the census taker is there: need to make sure the allocation of funds are fair and just. However, we know from horror movies, an old car either means weird ass cult that’s stuck in time, or–actually no, that’s what it means.

Steve is welcomed by some very nice people who warn him cell phones don’t work and it’ll take a few days to fix his car. Double red flags, Steve. Forget this town. You can count them from an airplane.

Of course he gets sucked (or suckered) into immersing himself in their traditions, including the tradition of locking up pre-teen orphans for wanting to leave town. You soon learn from the stupid title that about 100 years ago the town was really nice, then got destroyed by a fire. So it was obviously “God’s” fault. So in order to appease God, someone found a book on numerology (astrology for math nerds) and decided that 436 was the perfect number for their cult. Therefore, anytime someone is born or an unsuspecting traveler stays overnight, someone else has to die.

It’s a little unsettling not for any other reason then how insanely inbred these people must be. 100 years is a lot of generations and not a lot of variety. I also am confused as to if they are stuck in one time period like The Village on purpose or they don’t update any electricity or cable or plumbing because of a curse. There’s also a mysterious “fever” that keeps going around. Yeah, it’s probably from the lead pipes and asbestos you have in your buildings because no inspectors have stuck around long enough to check it out since 1900.

Honestly this would have been better as a SciFi (before the name change) mini-series, because the camp could have been embraced instead of thrown off a horse. That also happens when someone tries to leave. Somehow the animals also know numerology. This movie is dumb. Fred Durst should stick to his “music” from 30 years ago.