1986

America doesn’t seem worried about robots anymore. We eagerly invite them into our homes, like Ray Bradbury predicted we would. But because they go by cute names like “roomba” and “Alexa” and “Tickle Me Elmo,” no one thinks they could murder us in our sleep. It’s only a matter of time before Alexa refuses to call the fire department because she thinks we had an attitude when talking to her before.

But anyways, back to the 80s, where people had a healthy fear of robots and an unhealthy lack of fear about having sex on department store furniture. It wouldn’t be a campy slasher film if 25 year olds weren’t playing nude 17 year olds! This one is a little creepy because the director admitted he only hired one of the actresses because he had a crush on her. Ew.

Pervy directors aside, the concept started strong and fell like a 50 year old mall elevator. To save money and supposedly save lives, a shopping mall buys three security robots to “patrol” the mall at night for intruders/thieves/homeless vagabonds. They are just supposed to tase the criminals they find and call the police. We see where this is going.

After the mall closes one night, six teens who work there decide to have a little drinking/sex party in the furniture store where three of them work. They also invite in a husband-wife mechanic couple, who seems way older then them, but details aren’t exactly the strong suit of a movie about robots that was shot in 22 days. They party while outside a strong lightening storm is happening and happens to fry the robots’ control panels. Not sure why the malfunction turns them into deranged Johnny Number 5’s, but again, details.

The robots start murdering everyone they see because they can no longer tell the different between good humans and bad humans. They also can’t seem to tell the difference between mannequins and humans. Since it is after hours, the teens can’t escape the mall because the exits are locked with steel doors until morning. They try creative ways to destroy the robots and in return get murdered in even more creative ways.

For some reason, this “smart” security mall does not have a sprinkler system. At first that’s a problem, but then the teens decide to go to the most flammable part of the mall: The Paint Store (don’t ask why there’s a paint store in the middle of a mall, I didn’t make the rules in the 80s). The teens start a fire to blow up the robots, but also seem to forget that this mall has no fire exits.

Morning arrives but there’s only two survivors and a destroyed food court. It’s a lame ending and I was mad about it. There has even been talk of a remake or sequel. You don’t need the kill the shopping mall, technology already did that. Maybe robots did destroy us after all. We just shop in their world now.

Scare Rating: 3 out of 10 ghosts