The last time we considered letting women get involved in the government, they took away booze. So I see why you are scared, Republican White Men. However, with the oddly sexist agenda being thrown into the ring, I felt a pang of nostalgia. It’s like a theme party from the 1960s! Except no one has good clothes and everything smells. What’s nostalgia called when you never experienced the time to begin with? I think it’s called Romanticizing the past. Stop doing that.

I wonder what our mothers who fought hard for these rights would feel about this? Oh that’s right, we can ask them. But these “gentlemen” don’t seem to have mothers. Or maybe they had the kind of mothers who never wanted them, believed they were a mistake, and regretted every moment of their lives. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we had something that gave women power over their lives and careers? Wait, we do. It’s called birth control. And you know what women also have? Free will. So no matter what your beliefs are or aren’t, no one is forcing women to take birth control. Planned Parenthood isn’t lurking outside your bedroom door, waiting for you to fall asleep, then shoot pills into your mouth. Although, that would be pretty awesome if someone was roaming the streets with a pill gun.

I think if the Republican party took a step back, they’d realize that technically, we are all on the same page and want the same outcome. First of all, no one, and I mean literally no one, is “pro-abortion.” No one thinks, “I love killing babies and possibly maiming women’s insides. I wish I could do this every day.” Although this is America, so I’m sure there is SOMEONE out there who thinks that. For our sakes, though, I hope that person is in prison and therefore can’t vote.

So it is safe to assume that everyone wants LESS abortions. The problem is, the best way to prevent this sexually transmitted fast growing cell affliction is through education and birth control. Abstinence-only teaching does not work. Scaring the hell out of middle and high-school students works. If you tell a 13 year old that having a baby at 14 is going to make their boobs stop growing correctly and they won’t be able to go on Facebook whenever they want, trust me, they’ll listen. Also, tell them the price of baby formula, and they’ll realize why it is locked up at the grocery store. And unlike that other popular white powder, your baby can’t snort it. So that’s why you need bottles, which also cost money. And while you are explaining the horrors of being young, poor, and a single parent, also throw in the whole deal about STDs. It does not matter what you tell people, STDs will never be eradicated. To drive that point home with extra horrifying images, tell them that recently there have been syphilis outbreaks in nursing homes across the country. That means old people doing it. Ew.

After you scare the hell of the kids, throw them condoms and other sex ed paraphernalia. Kids love free shit. But don’t stop there. People still need access to to information and education because not every kid is going to get a good job. And free condoms can’t be used as currency. Yet.

If there are pro-life and pro-choice agendas out there, I believe there should be a third option. Most Americans are somewhere on the fence when it comes to this issue because every situation is not the same. People don’t want to just commit to yes or no response without hearing the whole story. Unfortunately (and also fortunately), a committee cannot be called for every decision. Instead, it is strictly a personal decision to be made by said person having the procedure, as well as their family if they wish to be included. Similar to other decisions we make about our lives, that whole “pursuit of happiness” clause we have is usually the driving point behind it.

However, “the right to Life and Liberty” clause is where people get stuck. According to the CDC, there is no federal definition for “stillbirth” as it is seen in other countries including the UK and Canada. It does however have a slightly varying term for “fetal death.” Federal guidelines “recommend reporting fetal deaths whose birth weight is over 12.5 oz, or those more than 20 weeks (4.5 months) gestation,” and therefore the parents can apply for a birth certificate for these stillbirths in 27 states “if they wish to pay for one.” It used to be that only deaths during child birth were reported, but there is a movement spreading to have all these issued birth certificates, which qualify the fetus as a citizen even though it was never technically alive outside the mother’s body. However, these regulations ONLY apply to parents who do not induce the fetus voluntarily, such as when it is dangerous to the mother’s health or the doctor has detected genetic defects which render the fetus impossible to carry to term without death.

Another piece of legislation that was passed is the federal law (and therefore enforced in all 50 states, for those of you who missed civics class) called the “Unborn Victims of Violence Act.” The law did two things. If a mother is attacked while pregnant and the fetus is maimed or dies in utero, the person committing the crime can be prosecuted for violence on both the mother and the child, even if the attacker did not intend to deliberately harm the fetus or even if they had previous knowledge of the pregnancy. It also defined the term “unborn child,” but ONLY how it relates to this act. It means a child in utero, and the term “child in utero” or “child, who is in utero” means a member of the species homo sapiens, at any stage of development, who is carried in the womb.”

When the bill was brought to the House and Senate floors, there was extreme backlash by pro-choice groups that the term for “in utero” was too broad and could open up prosecution against the women who opt for an abortion, whatever the circumstances. They also asked for no prosecution for a woman who deliberately tries to miscarry a child, or against the doctor whom was administering treatment to the pregnant woman. So as an compromise (for those currently in Congress and the Senate, I have enclosed a link for the definition of “compromise”), the following amendment to the act was made and passed both House and Senate after many years of being stalled due to the sensitivity of the wording.

`(c) Nothing in this section shall be construed to permit the prosecution–

`(1) of any person for conduct relating to an abortion for which the consent of the pregnant woman, or a person authorized by law to act on her behalf, has been obtained or for which such consent is implied by law;

`(2) of any person for any medical treatment of the pregnant woman or her unborn child; or

`(3) of any woman with respect to her unborn child.

So, after reading all that, you now must have an even better understand of where a person’s “Life and Liberty” begins, right? No? Me neither. And yet, advocates and politicians on both sides of the issue will spend a large majority of their time debating this even when there are living, breathing, walking people wandering through their protest signs who are hungry, homeless, or hurting. Empathy may be an innate trait, but we learn where we want our compassion to lie. Picking and choosing are battles is what makes us human, but why aren’t some of these people picking battles they know they can’t win? So instead of choose left or right, pro-choice or pro-life, I’m choosing Pro-Fence.

But I came up with a new name because Pro-Fence sounds like a bad French restaurant or a good male patterned baldness pill…

PRO-BETTER LIFE

While the debate rages if life begins at conception or birth, the Pro-Life and Pro-Choice debate seems to end at when the woman makes her decision to terminate or carry to term. There seems to be no push for legislation beyond this woman’s decision. A true Pro-Life person would be on the side of making a life worth living for the fetus and a true Pro-Choice person would be on the side of education and counseling before, during, and beyond the decision for termination.

Since every area of the country is different, then these choices should be decided on a state level, by the voters. The legislation that is written must include committee members from all sides of the debate. The legislation must be straight-forward and offered as reading material online throughout the writing process and at polling stations the day of the vote. If a state completely outlaws abortion, then the following would be mandated to be offered: