“No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means.”

-George Bernard Shaw

Taking quotes out of the Bible and out of context to base an entire belief system on is like taking a page out of the phone book and saying, “This proves all the people that live in my town have last names that start with the same letter.” Both are illogical, silly, detrimental, and yet we still do it. Take Bible quotes out of context, not tear out phone book pages. Who even has a phone book anymore?

Lots of religions, Hallmark greeting card artists, and atheists like to grab quotes from the Bible to prove a point. However, for some reason in this country, it’s the Evangelical Christians that will shake that baby until every last drop of vengeful God falls out of it and onto the pulpit. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone is welcome to read and interpret the Bible in their own wacky way. Just like everyone is welcome to read and interpret what the fuck Jose Conseco is trying to say on Twitter. It’s America and it’s allowed. What SHOULDN’T be allowed is creating an entire life decision on one sentence written thousands of years ago that has been translated so many times that it’s entirely possible the initial meaning was lost. So if you decide you hate gay people, just man-up and admit that you hate gay people. Don’t blame it on a text from a language that isn’t even around anymore. Wikipedia predicts there are about 700 people who know and can vaguely understand Ancient Hebrew. There are more people that speak Game of Throne’s Dothraki Language. And that is literally a MADE-UP language.

So based on this brief linguistic lesson, you would think that more people would be careful with what they interpret or what they choose to dwell upon. And also remember that the world was VERY different when it was written. Hell, the world was VERY different 20 years ago. I’m not going to look at a Windows ’95 manual and honestly believe that everything is exactly the way it is in the book and other scenarios haven’t come into play. So I’m going to put that ’95 manual over by this pile of yellow books that someone keeps leaving at my doorstep. Both equally useless and outdated in today’s world.

Now, does this mean I think we should also throw the Bible to the wayside. No. That’s ridiculous. And possibly blasphemous….I haven’t read that far. However, what we need to stop doing is treating the Bible like our nation’s bible. It’s not a structure, it’s a blueprint. You can’t build a house from the paper you draw the designs from, just like you can’t build a religion from words on a page. And yet we did it. Through tears, bloodshed, debates, money, and just plain fear, we have allowed religions to be created from these words on a page. Whatever your feelings about organized religion are, we should all come together and start to get rid of this idea that in order for a religion to survive and remain strong, it must be rigid. Instead, we need to look at religion more like a bridge than a building. 

Bridges need to be flexible to the constantly changing world. They need constant maintenance and monitoring in order for them to remain safe. They need to be repainted to keep their presence alive and not become an eyesore to the community. And sometimes, bridges need to be torn down and built back up again in order to adjust to new technology, increased traffic, and because all your friends keep jumping off of them (just like your mother warned you).

But maybe I’m just idealistic. Or practical. Or both. No one is ever going to agree on religion in this country because no one wants to be told how to run their own lives (but we still want to be taken care of). And also, it’s just weird that people think we could all agree. America is such a baby country, but it’s so big, it’s like a freakishly fat baby you see on “Maury” because his mother wants him to never cry and you can’t cry if you’re constantly in a food coma. Also, a metaphor for America. We are fat, lazy, and look for constant validation that what we are doing is correct and right. Which is what we love about religions. You have an entire group of people that will validate that your bitterness and hatred towards a certain group of people or certain subset of society is correct. “Oh there’s no WAY I can be an asshole because all these people act the same way and there’s no way that we can ALL be assholes.” Actually, asshole, yes. It’s very possible for an entire group of people to be douchebags. Look at the French.

So the asshole gets trapped in the virtual vortex that is organized religion. He didn’t necessarily start out that way, but people looking for religion often don’t have a solid structure of beliefs and therefore can be molded and manipulated depending on the crowds he’s rolling with. Peer pressure is a lot more powerful than people believe and it extends well beyond high school. And this isn’t the “cool” 19-year old freshman trying to get you to try a joint underneath the bleachers (did I just paint the PERFECT after-school special for you?!). This is peer pressure coming from people who are much more richer and powerful than you. Every leader wants people to follow them to validate THEIR decisions are correct. Even Jesus had a bunch of dudes and lady-friends following him and his hippie sandals. 

Does it make it right or wrong? Not necessarily. Some people need to be reigned into a group or else they really will walk off that non-existant bridge metaphor. Others need the sense of community that organized religion because it gives them a chance to interact with someone other than their 23 cats and equally as many personalities for online dating. I’ve seen many people join churches so they can contribute to their communities with their talents. And still others join because it’s comforting for them and gives them peace at a time in their lives when they may need the support and kind words of another member of their place of worship. These are all completely valid and understandable reasons to join one group or another. No one in this country wants to take that right away….theoretically…

First Amendment. Easy. Kids know it. They understand it. Even WITHOUT looking it up on Wikipedia. And yet just as kids “understand” religion when they are younger, as we grow, the First Amendment can be just as difficult to keep intact as it is to keep your childhood beliefs intact. This is because we’ve seen the world and we know what is out there. As your experiences extend to make your world bigger and bigger by the year, so does your brain (we hope). After seeing, hearing, and smelling what this country is made up of, it’s difficult to see the First Amendment as black and white.

Although not confirmed, but it is often attributed to Voltaire, the saying “I do not agree with what you are saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it!” should be the basis for our Constitution. That’s right, a French dude said that. Good lord, we are good at stealing stuff. So you have your battle cry right there. Why should there be so much disagreement? Now, there is an argument that although free speech and freedom of religion should be curbed if it causes detrimental harm to another person or facet of society. Which is why we have hate crime and libel/slander laws. The Westboro Baptist Church is allowed to speak, practice, and assemble in any way that they please. However, since they are horrible human beings who cause pain and suffering of families that they are targeting, the government in some states have taken steps to prevent the groups from interrupting certain events (that of funeral of military members mainly).

Now, UNLIKE a lot of religious doctrines, including the Bible, the First Amendment has been adjusted with “exceptions.” Good job, Constitution…you are a bridge, not a structure. The core basis is still there: freedoms of speech, religion, press, and assembly. However, with each case, there have become more and more asterisks on them. For example, if you group promotes violence (The KKK), the government is allowed to shut you down. If you lie about someone or something in a publication or under oath, you can be brought to court. You can’t steal speech from someone else. You can’t print and/or distribute child pornography under the guise of “press,” or your genitals can be chopped off and fed to rabid wolves while you watch. That last one might need a citation…

Hmmm…no killing, no lying, no stealing, no coveting your neighbors…These sound familiar. Oh that’s right, because they are written in the Bible. But they were written in the Bible to create a sense of security and rules within societies that at Moses’ time were basically wandering groups of oppressed people or sex-ed up, corrupt politicians. Kind of like the 60s. But then people got their shit together (sorta) and created societies that people could settle down in for a couple decades (because they didn’t live much past 30 then). By the time Jesus was birthed in the barn, society was coming together quite nicely. Augustus was organizing a census and Herod somehow had the military AND the organizational skills to kill all the baby boys who looked like they could usurp the crown. I bet fat baby America from “Maury” would’ve been a threat, but I can’t imagine any of these other kids were mouthing off about anarchy like a hipster at an Occupy rally. So it’s safe to admit that Jesus grew up in a pretty violent time. I also imagine that at least ONE of those Jewish mothers tracked him down a couple years later and gave him the guilt trip on how it was his fault her little Bernie was murdered. But then Jesus gave her a hug and it was all good. I also imagine Jesus liked hugs.

So when Jesus started wandering and preaching, of course people came to him and asked him about the Ten Commandments. This is how I see the scene playing out:

“Jesus, you know that religion that you are talking about. The one where people are calling you the King of the Juice?”
“Jews”
“Jaws. Whatever. But which of those 10 rules are the most important? Because one of them HAS to be yours and your Dad’s favorite.”
“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” 
(Matthew wrote down that little gem for Jesus in his 22nd chapter.)

So you would think, an entire religion based on Jesus would try to follow the most important thing he ever said. But instead, there are groups of Christians that can’t get out of the Old Testament and therefore get out of their own way. They are so focused on a set of archaic rules set forth when the world was extremely different. Claiming to act on Jesus’ words, people become bigots. That sounds like the opposite of “loving everyone.” Also, some Christians will constantly judge another person or groups actions, even though Jesus and Tupac BOTH said, only God can judge. And God loves you so much, he sent His son to tell you that and possibly apologize for all that smiting and vengeance he did a couple millennial before. Jesus despised hypocrites. He says it a lot. But since Jesus doesn’t “hate” anyone, he does it kind of passive-aggressively.

“Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, “Why do Your disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat.” He answered them, “And why do you transgress the Commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him surely die.’ But you say, ‘If any one tells his father or his mother, What you would have gained from me is given to God, he need not honor his father.’ So, for the sake of your tradition, you have made void the word of God. You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: ‘This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me; in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.'” (Matthew 15:1-9 RSV)

So again, you would think an entire religion based on this one man who really only loathed one type of person wouldn’t produce THOSE types of people. But we see it everywhere. Anti-gay pastors who end up having a sex slave named Miguel in their basement. Anti-welfare soap-box carriers who don’t realize that the poor and sick need help from other sources than prayer and shame. The list goes on and on. Yet, we all know this and still allow it to continue. As if we upset the tradition of hypocrisy and pretentiousness, we will somehow anger God like that one Thanksgiving you didn’t have the traditional pie and Grandma threw a turkey baster at your aunt.