The most amazing part of this movie is that these actors have actually done something else besides this movie. That like, NEVER happens in “found footage” movies. Or after.

This is really a documentary about how far surveillance and stalker technology has come in 20 years. The main character is obsessed with finding his sister, Heather, who was in the first movie. Which I get, but you were four, James. Also you had shitty parents who didn’t decide to move away from from the town where your sister was murdered.

After finding another “found footage” on YouTube that was previously unreleased, James decides he needs to go back where his sister was last seen alive. James brings along his “girlfriend” (I can’t tell what their awkward flirting is) because she has all the camera equipment. They also bring along another couple, Peter and Lisa. And then they decide to include ANOTHER couple; two weird locals who posted the YouTube video. And it’s true what they say: never meet your YouTubers. Ever.

If you haven’t seen the first The Blair Witch Project or any of the 900 parodies Hollywood thought was necessary, the first story is just a shaky jump fest that is only dangerous to epileptics and amateur witch hunters.

This film starts the same way except the characters already know the history and lore of the Black Hills forest and STILL decide to go marching through woods they know might be dangerous. And not just to the group. A LOT of trees were destroyed in this movie. Not enough people blame voodoo witches for deforestation. It’s so sad.

The next 80 minutes are just jump scares and infections and scared panting and clearly visible GoPros when NONE of the characters are wearing GoPros. They even have a drone that is also possessed by the witch, because it can’t go 20 feet above the tree line and crashes immediately. Unless…the Blair Witch works for the FAA and is just enforcing no-fly zones. I have a lot of theories because this movie has no plot.

The movie ends how you would expect: with everyone getting broken in two and disappearing off camera. Which brings me back to the beginning of the movie that showed news footage of massive manhunts and ground searches complete with helicopters and K9 crews after the first movie. So now, all these kids are missing in 2016 and the taxpayers have to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars looking for you again. I swear to god, documentary film makers are the most selfish people in the world.